I am never having kids.

I told everyone.  Friends in high school, people I worked with, close family members and strangers on the street.  I was going to live in an apartment in New York City, with my husband and a dog.  I was going to travel the world.  I don't want to be fat.  I'm too selfish.  I have no desire to push a watermelon out of my vagina.  If I ever changed my mind, I would adopt ("there is no reason for me to bring another baby into the world when there are so many out there that need my help" was my go to line).

Everyone told me.  My mom told me, my friends, strangers on the street and people I worked with.  You'll change your mind.  You're just too young right now.  Wait until you meet the right guy.  Tell me how you feel when you're in your thirties.  Once you're married and settled down, you'll change your mind.  You'll change your mind, you'll change your mind, you'll change your mind.

I spent my twenties working and partying.  I moved across the country, all alone, and lived downtown in a bachelor apartment.  I watched friends from high school get married and have babies.  I watched friends leave work to go travel Europe.  I watched other friends graduate school, and some I even watched divorce.  I made some good decisions, and some bad ones; I made a lot of money but never saved a penny.  I got a dog, and a one bedroom apartment.  
And then I met him.


 The one who bought me dinner at my favourite restaurant and who walked my dog when I was working late at night.  I had a good job and great friends but no real attachment to the city.  He had a girlfriend.  I always wondered if I'd move somewhere else.  He never even hinted at moving away.  But the more we hung out, and the closer we got,  I knew what was happening.  He dumped his girlfriend.  I gave him a key to my apartment.  We would, and still do, talk for hours on end. About our lives growing up (they are actually freakishly similar).  About our hopes and dreams; about what makes us laugh and what makes us angry.  

Fuck. I love him.  Those were the literal words that I said out loud one day, to the dog.  I sat on that new development for a long time.  I didn't tell him, I didn't tell any of my friends (but they all knew anyway, they'd seen this coming a mile away).  I hadn't loved anyone in years, but here I am thinking about the future.  I even said to him one day "I can't imagine growing old with anyone but you". 

The one who I'll settle down with.  The one who I'll change my mind for. 

I have to go, my kid just woke up from her nap...

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