Three Painted Nails

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes. Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear. How do you measure,  Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes. Measure a year?   It's the eve of Ellie's first birthday and I'm sitting in a dark living room looking at the birthday decorations surrounding me.  They are haphazard, and a bit lazy if I'm being honest, and I'm mad at myself for not being more on top of this.  I should have a big celebration planned, I should be buying platters and ordering pizzas to feed friends and family.   But I'm not.  Not for lack of hoping I guess, we all know the lockdown situation that is upon us.  I think back in the summer we all assumed this wouldn't be a big deal by now.   No one expected Christmas to be cancelled.  But having a December baby means not only is Christmas cancelled, but so are big giant 1st birthday parties.  This isn't a COVID blog, I promise.  It factors in...

Over a plate of ribs and french fries on a visit back home with a six month old baby,  my little brother (always the funny kid) uttered those seven words and I steadfastly have agreed with him ever since.  I am in awe of the friends of mine who have three, four or more (wtf?!) kids.  I don't know how you do it.   Maybe you all have nannies?  Or maids?   Or maids and nannies?!   I am 99% sure that we are done after having our most recent bundle of joy.  Maybe the key to more children is less animals?  One of my favourite sayings is "this farm is a mess", a tribute to my teenage years and reading to my youngest brother.  Who would imagine twenty years later I would have bought the same book for my own kid and live by its mantra on a daily basis.  Between the dog, the two cats and the fish there is always someone who needs food or water or a walk or a belly rub.  Coincidentally those all apply to the people in our house also 😀. A...

I don't know where to start.  This will probably come out as a jumbled, off the cuff, nonsense post but maybe I need it.  It feels like a lot of emotions are just bubbling under the surface and I no longer know how to cope with them. We have been on lockdown since March 12th.  Seventy-seven days.   With an infant, a toddler with no end to her energy supply and a husband who now works from home in our basement.  I feel like every single day that passes I am closer to a meltdown.  I'm closer to returning to work, I'm closer to my oldest daughter because she's only in daycare part time, I'm closer to the can of beer in my fridge.  I'm closer to running away and yet I'm closer to my family than maybe we've ever been.  I'm closer to forty, and I feel it - hard.  I'm also distant.   I'm not present in my everyday life... the day just... goes by.   Is this how Bill Murray felt in Groundhog Day?   I literally wake up and I...

On Sunday, December 8th at 1215am I started having contractions.   I was 39 weeks pregnant exactly and scheduled to be induced on Tuesday Dec 10th.  We knew this whole week would be a crap shoot.  Baby could make her own grand entrance, or she could sit tight until I decide that medicine needs to speed up the process.   Well this Sunday night it woke me up from a dead sleep and I immediately looked at the clock to start timing them.  They were different.  I counted three or four of them about ten minutes apart, but it became concerning because one of them was more than seven minutes long.  It just did not stop!  By this time, it’s 12:45 and Mike is asking me if it’s go time.   I tell him I don’t know!?  Poor guy.  He’s trying to help me, and I can’t even decide if we should go to the hospital or wait it out.   By 1 am he was dressed and told me to get my clothes on we’re going.  My mom is on Toddler Duty d...

*** Preface.  I started this blog about 4 months ago?!   Long before I had Ellie, life is much different now.  New posts to come :) *** I sent a picture to my mom last week, half looking for a laugh, the other half seeking sympathy.   It was a fully painted set of fingernails.   My very own.   This would have been monumental a few years ago and it reminded me of why I started this blog.   I have been feeling tired, overwhelmed, excited, nervous, stressed and anxious.  All of the feelings, all at once just sort of hit me over the last month.  I rely on my husband to do more of the housework than he probably wants to, and my co-workers definitely do more heavy lifting around work, literally and figuratively.  I worry about how Ramsay is going to behave with the new baby in the house.  Some of you know how bad it was bringing Maddy home,  I'm crossing every finger and every toe that he doesn't behave the same way.  Thin...