Three Painted Nails

Babies come in all shapes and sizes, as do potatoes, penises and attitudes, and there is no manual.  But pregnancy is a whole other shit show.   They've printed books, written articles, created websites and filmed tv shows.  There is advice from your mom, your grandmom, your mother-in-law and every other person with a uterus.  And even advice from people without a vagina.  If it's been tried it's been studied and documented, if it didn't work they've got that down on paper too.  Baby books are a 62 billion dollar* a year industry in North Amercia. *I made that up.   And I bought right into it.  I actually bought a book before we were even trying, called What to Expect Before You're Expecting, maybe 5 years ago.  I read almost the whole thing and I learned next to nothing.  There was one thing that did stick with me though and that was this:   The eggs of a 30 year old smoker are the equivalent of a 40 year olds non-smokers egg...

Because of the risk of multiples my doctor scheduled me for an early ultrasound.  Usually pregnant women don't get their first one until week 12, but Clomid patients get one at week 7.  The difference in size in the fetus is negligible at that time, but I gather they want to know how many seeds your're sprouting.  Better to find out earlier that you're breeding a baseball team I guess?   It'll give you time to save up for a minivan. That first ultrasound was pretty surreal for me.  Not only was I actually having a kid, but I was about to see/hear it for the first time.  I was so nervous.  As I laid on the table I looked over at Mike and started to sweat.  Please, please, let this only be one kid.  There was a tiny part of me that wanted twins, at least that way I wouldn't have an only child, and I'll get it over in one go.  Kill two birds with one stone as they say.  I clasped my hands across my chest and stared at the monitor. ...

I think the people at ClearBlue and First Response owe me a thank you.  I put their kids through college buying ovulation kits and pregnancy tests.  There was always one or two in my bathroom, and likely one in the garbage can.  I also learned that the dollar store sells tests for $1.25.  I could never justify buying those ones though, as I didn't trust a pee test a la Dollarama, but to save a few bucks I should have! The day started as any other, it was a Monday morning and I was thrilled to be going to work.   Ha, I'm lying.  Because I was so accustomed to tracking my period I knew that I should start my next cycle on Thursday or Friday of this week and I drove to work planning out my lunch break: where I'll go to eat and therefore which drugstore is nearby?  The Shoppers Drug Mart cashier was probably getting used to seeing me in there :/.  I spent the morning working away, questioning if I was really going to spend another 30 bucks on a two ...