To Pee or Not to Pee

I once read an old quote and it's stuck with me for a while now.  A wise person gave this sage advice:

Your mother taught you how to use a spoon, the least you can do is help her learn technology. 

Okay fine, it's a meme online and there's no actual author and I'm paraphrasing.  But whatever, you get my point.  We sometimes get frustrated with having to teach someone something that seems so easy to us, it's often forgotten that we had to learn ourselves at one point. 

I always thought Maddy would be the kid who would figure out potty training when she was a tiny little one year old.  She's so smart and determined I was sure that one day she'd try it and love it!  She was the proud recipient of her first potty that Christmas.   A potty (that nearly resulted in an altercation when it was purchased in Toys R Us) which has sat in her bathroom since.   Calling her name, staring her down every bath time.  Much to our chagrin, she wanted nothing to do with this potty.  We tried week after week but to her it was a toy with a cool flushing noise.  

Just after her second birthday we revisited the idea of trying again.  I had visions of long playdates at the park and swimming at the lake with no diapers!  Rushing to the bathroom in the mall proud of my little two year old who'd figured out that peeing is a great thing!  I read books, articles, talked to my parents, and my mom friends.  I even ordered a Potty Chart tracking system from the UK and had it rush delivered.  To Maddy, it was a sticker sheet :/.   This attempt was not faring any better than the first.  I was conflicted and angry because there were people in my life saying she should be trained by two.  And there were people who thought no way, just go with her - she'll tell you when she's ready.  Other people joked, she won't wear diapers to kindergarten.  Hell, I even joked that a time or two, but deep down I wondered.  I have heard horror stories of kids who don't seem to get it and are pushing an age where it's weird that they aren't potty trained.    I wasn't even entirely sure that my husband was on board, it seemed like it was my problem only.  

Summer comes and goes, Christmas is approaching and we are going on vacation.  Grandma is coming to stay with her and is committed to getting this ball rolling.  We are prepared with the potty, some panties and a ton of treats.  We get daily updates when we are away and although Grandma did have some success it wasn't as cut and dry as maybe we all hoped.    We came home to a kid who is approaching her third birthday and I am feeling more and more like a failure everyday.   My thoughts frequently turn to a friend of mine who did EC from the time he was born...kiddo peed on a potty his whole life and I wonder if we should have done the same.   I wonder if we need to see a doctor.  I just want her to sit on the damn potty!  She would sit (sometimes) to be fair to her, but with her ipad, or the promise of a freaking pony.  Any form of bribery in between came out of our mouths just so she'd sit down.  She had mentioned a time or two that she was scared, so we tried to go easy on her.  

A woman I know told me that in their house the rule is that "when you're 3, you pee".  In her family that meant once you turn three years old we use the potty to go pee.  Her child understood that and would even tell mom and dad that was the rule.  I was optimistic that Maddy may catch on to this theory and I told her the same thing, about two months before her 3rd birthday.   She was sitting on the potty a bit more frequently but still had not actually gone.   

I bought more books; I read more articles, I made up a new potty chart.  I was done, it was time, whether she wanted to or not. 

I asked my boss for a few days off for Maddy's birthday and then tacked on two extra days off.   I told my husband what I was doing and frankly he had no choice other than to get on board.  I was doing this and I wasn't backing down.  I need a diaper free child.  She's three for god sake.  Pitter Patter.   I took away all the potties we had in the house and left one single ikea insert and a foot stool.  The day after her birthday party was D-Day.  I had prepared myself to not leave the house for three days, loaded up the kitchen with groceries and laundry to do a mile high.

We got up in the morning and played in the living room, naked as the day is long (her - not me!).  And I watched for her clues and I told her that she knows where the pee has to go.  That first day at home was interesting, I learned what her tell was, how much time I had between the tell and the leak, and that she really enjoyed not wearing any clothes.   I watched her like a hawk, it was basically a game of follow the leader and Maddy was in charge.  I picked her up and ran her to the toilet every time I saw a stream, every pee-pee dance and any other time I thought I could get away with.  That morning she did not pee at all from the time she woke up until after noon.  Literally about 12:30pm having been up since 7:30 or so.  I do think she was a bit scared and was purposely holding it in, but we had one successful pee after lunch time.   And was I ever proud.  She got her sticker, and her candy reward.  One down, nine million more to go.

That afternoon I crawled around after her for hours, watching, waiting, feeding her juice and water hoping for more toilet action.  Nothing.  This girl has a tank for a bladder.  Gets that from her dad for sure, not my side of the family.  We talked all day long about being a big girl and not wearing diapers, those are for babies.  I scooped her up in my arms more than once with pee stream mid flow and plunked her down.   I cleaned up messes and laid out towels.  When bedtime came I got a pull up and she happily put it on.  It was probably the most comforting thing she'd had all day long.  Poor girl.

I was sure though that even having a small amount of success, the second day would be better.  I thought some sleep and a big breakfast would get the juices flowin'.   Oh how wrong I would be.  It was mostly a carbon copy of the first day, some food and juice and not one trip to pee before noon.  Kid...wtf?  However happy we were just being together and playing,  I was feeling defeated.  I cleaned up an accident that I wasn't able to catch in time.   I had to do a few more football carries to the washroom but I still wasn't having any luck with her initiating the trip to the potty.  I'm sure I messaged my husband incessantly with sayings such as "screw her" "screw this"and "bring home beer".   Bedtime is approaching and by this point I think our score was potty: 5 carpet 2.  We put on another pull up and out comes a number 1 and 2!   I knew for sure she'd been holding her poop in, and I don't blame her!  This is all overwhelming and doing a poo was too much to add into the mix.

We put her to bed and I gear up for the next day.  I am going stir crazy in the house and we are going on a short outing for day three.  She woke up with a dry pull up!  A fluke, maybe?  Happy, of course!  I give more positive reinforcement and get her excited to leave the house in just her panties!  I think that was the flip in her brain...we left the house, went to McDonalds for lunch and she felt like a real big girl now.  It was the first time wearing clothes in two days and getting in her car seat was exciting for her!  I was packed to the tits.  I had a backpack of 2 changes of clothes 4 pairs of underwear, wipes, extra socks and shoes.  You name it.  I was ready.... for a 45 minute outing.

And we got through it with great success!   There were no accidents and we even went to the washroom, willingly, sat down, and promptly got off the potty.  There was no pee, but at least she sat and didn't have an accident.  I pushed my luck by stopping at the grocery store.  We made it home in one piece!   We spent the rest of the day telling her at random intervals "Maddy, it's time to go to the potty".  I took her hand and lead her into the bathroom.  I didn't care if she didn't go all the time I just needed her to get comfortable with the toilet.    Day three also became the day she pooped on the potty for the first time!   I let out a scream so loud it'd have scared the shit out of her if she hadn't already gone.  I got a side eye from husband that meant to say "calm down".  I tried but I was just so excited!  This was the step I was waiting for!!  I knew that once she did a pee and a poo on her own she'd get it.

And I was wrong.  A poop strike began and if I recall she held it for 3 more days after that.
But what was worrying me more was her going back to daycare.  My days off were up and I was feeling upset because I didn't think she was ready.  I was worried that daycare wouldn't keep up my hourly routine of "maddy it's time to go to the potty".   I packed more undies, more pants, and thought about a pull up.  But I can't, I can't go back on any progress we've made.  I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't go back, so I made it clear at daycare what I'd been doing, but also that she's got Fort Knox for a bladder.   At lunchtime I messaged asking desperately for an update.  Nothing.... no pee at all.   Madison's line is "I can't go pee here, only at home".  Oooh boy.  There's another thing I didn't think of.  Stranger toilets.   All I can do is reassure her that there is nothing wrong with the potty there, they even have the same kind.   The next morning I sent the same backpack and added on the potty from our own bathroom.   Hey man, whatever works.   I believe over the two days she was at daycare she had two accidents, two pees and numerous false alarms.  But she's getting there, Rome wasn't built in a day.

Finally, the flood gates opened.  We had given her a few small glasses of prune juice, often commenting to each other about 'remember when we had to do this when she was a baby?' and asking the other if they had tried the juice.  For the record, I have tried it -it's gross- Mike has not tried it.  Her eyes welled up and her face went red, but that was the last time we had a problem.  I told her that holding it in will make it bad, and it's okay to go on the potty.   After that day we didn't look back.  I was so proud of her for getting pee and poop down within 3 weeks of starting!


During all of this daytime training, the nighttime training was weighing heavily on me.  She went a few days with a pull up, one dry in the morning and the rest wet.   But each night going to bed was becoming more challenging.  She hated putting on a pull up, it's for babies after all, she would tell us.  So I pulled the trigger and we went diaper free.  I threw away the last of the pull ups, laid down towels on top of her sheets (which are already over top of the mattress protector) and wished her well.   Tons of positive reinforcement and telling her if she feels it in the night to call for me.  We made sure she sat on the potty before bedtime, and I barely slept that week listening for her to call out.  A few accidents happened but we had to keep the momentum.  She was getting it during the day, and if nighttime can come as easily then why would I delay it and keep her in pull ups?



Before we knew it she was done.  Day, night, poop.  She did it all within a month (frankly, I have no idea if that's really fast or slow or dead middle ground, but it seems very fast to me and I'm so proud).    Sure we have had some accidents here and there, and I'm already tired of hearing her scream "MOOMMMMMMMM I POOOPED" and having to rush to wipe her bum.  She isn't scared of the "magic toilets" in the mall, and she even had to do her first squat-in-the-grass roadside pee a few weeks ago.  She pissed all over her left foot and thinks it's hysterical.  That's my girl!  I'm 37 and still can't do it with out getting it all over the place.  And now we're about to get right back into diaper mode.   Madison says she's not going to help change poopy diapers, only pee.   That's alright kiddo, you just keep being a good egg and I'll do the shitty bums. 💕